Hi, how are you? Two people I encountered yesterday posed that very same query – a stranger I passed while on an afternoon walk, and the other (a friend) at the beginning of a phone call. That’s a common icebreaker - a go-to opener to conversation or an interaction. “Hi, how are you?” A social nicety, a conversational placeholder of sorts. While I appreciated it, those words didn’t exactly land well. A common, knee-jerk reply would have been “fine, thank you.” But I couldn’t fake it. To the stranger, I acknowledged by nodding and replying with a “hi.” To my friend I said, “truthfully, kind of down - just trying to keep my spirits up.” Because right now, I’m feeling all but fine.
Eight years ago (on 9/11/17) I wrote a piece titled “Reflections on Storms and Unthinkables.” Hurricane Harvey had just unleashed the unthinkable on Houston, TX; I wrote, "Mother Nature" is a great equalizer – none of us are immune to her effects. No matter who or what we are, none of us have control over where or when she’ll emerge and rear her ugly head. The point I was trying to convey was that as bad as the weather can get, it changes – it will pass. Conversely, our attitudes and reactions to bad events are within our control – they can change, but it requires effort and acts of commission.
As I reflect on life and on these current times, I’m trying to hold on to the belief that tragedies (whether brought about by natural events or inflicted by mankind) serve a purpose - albeit a painful one. If we survive them, then we stand to learn from them and grow. These adversities can shake us up; they provide us the opportunity to reflect on ourselves, our purpose, what truly matters (or not) and, perhaps, inspire meaningful change in our lives.
Right now, I’m hurting and feeling numb at the same time. I’m striving to understand where comfort and meaning is going to come from. I’m writing this because I am one of the most resilient people I know. And the level of sadness I’m feeling is truly uncharacteristic for me. And I can’t help but think that, if I’m generally resilient and optimistic during bad times, how are those in the world who aren’t ... how are they feeling right now?
In addition to all that is happening in the world, these past two months have been a very sad time for me personally. In October I said goodbye to my best buddy. I will write about that separately, but I made the decision to facilitate my dog’s departure from this earth, as he no longer had an acceptable quality of life. The void left by his absence is profound. And ordinarily, his presence would confer a lot of comfort in times like these. But I don’t I have that anymore. Instead, I have cried a lot and kept busy by doing more of this or that to fill the time and space previously occupied by my bestie. So, I’ve been really sad. And, yet, I realize just how lucky I am. How lucky am I that I have a roof over my head? That I can afford to pay my bills (even as they go up and up)? That I have the choice of what to buy for myself and prepare for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? That I have people who care about me in this world? That I have family who love me? That I haven’t been lost to or lost anyone close to me - to senseless, hate-filled murderous acts? That I know right from wrong and have the moral clarity to call out the vile and reprehensible acts of others?
I am blessed. I am hurting and I am blessed. Yes – I am experiencing a lot of sadness, and “time” is not going to make those feelings pass or go away. I must redirect dispiriting feelings by focusing on the blessings in my life and expressing gratitude for them. And remind myself that I’m not alone – that there are others probably feeling similarly about life and times. And that, maybe, I can try to bring light to their world – lift their spirits in some small way.
Contributed by Sheri L. Berger, DVM, DACVO
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