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Posted On Nov 18, 2015

Updated On Jun 25, 2025

Learn To Say No Is A Stress Solution

Wellness Wisdom

Originally contributed by Gwen Pettit, PT, PCC, MA, MS


There's an old saying that if you want something done, ask a busy person. Are you one of those people who colleagues or friends frequently reach out to ... because they know they can count on you to say "yes?" Sometimes we take on more than we should - and this is guaranteed to compound our stress level. Learning to say "no" is a proven a stress solution and it's within your control.

Let's start with "yes." What happens when you develop a habit of saying "yes" rather than "no"? Well, your stress level is very likely to go up because now you've added another project, task, or responsibility to your plate. Why do so many people say "yes" when they can't afford to take on more? Well, people pleasing is one reason. Some people thrive on being that person who others feel that they can come to to get something done. Sometimes people want to avoid conflict - it can be easier to say "yes" than to argue or talk about why they won't or can't. Perfectionism is another reason why some people will say "yes" - they know that if they take on the responsibility it will get done correctly and turn out great. Yet, saying "yes" often leads to overload and more stress.

So, the answer is obvious - stop saying "yes."  Learn to say "no." That sounds easy enough, right? In theory it is, but for many people it's not that straightforward because it's become a pattern for them.  If you are one of those people who says "yes" more than you'd like, there is good news! This is truly all within your control and it is so important. Saying "no" is a proactive step to avoiding overwhelm and carrying a never-ending list of things to do.

Knowing when it's right to say "yes" and when to pass is key. Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to figure that out:

  • Ask yourself ... is this really mine? Is this essential to what I do? Am I helping someone else or am I doing someone else's work for them? Sort and claim what's yours. 
  • Ask yourself ... is this going to help me accomplish something or get better at what I do? Am I going to learn something in the process?
  • Ask yourself ... what do I have to stop doing or give up if I take on this request?

I think, too often, we fail to realize that we can't just keep adding things to our plate. We only have so much time and space. If we take on more than we have room for, we'll be neglecting something else. We have to give something up. If you're not comfortable saying "no" you must develop that as a habit. You need to start and practice it. Start with someone's small request - something that is emotionally insignificant. By the way, this may surprise other people and they may become upset. You need to be prepared for that. 

Learning to say "no" is going to put you in control of your own time. It will help you make choices that are in line with your goals and needs, and reduce your stress levels. Give it a try!